As a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA), one of the most common questions I hear from parents is:
“How do I get my child to stop doing [insert frustrating behavior]?”

It’s understandable. When your child hits, screams, ignores directions, or melts down in public, your first instinct might be to stop the behavior immediately—sometimes through consequences like time-outs, losing privileges, or raising your voice. This is what we often refer to as punishment—something that reduces a behavior by adding or removing something after it happens.

But here’s the thing: punishment rarely teaches your child what to do instead.

Let’s talk about a better way: reinforcement.

What Is Reinforcement?

In behavioral terms, reinforcement means adding or removing something after a behavior to make that behavior more likely to happen again in the future. For example, if your child puts their toys away and you give them a high five and a smile, and they’re more likely to clean up tomorrow—that’s reinforcement at work.

Reinforcement can be:

• Positive (adding something enjoyable): praise, a sticker, playtime

• Negative (removing something unpleasant): turning off a loud timer when a task is completed

Both types encourage the behavior to continue.

Why Reinforcement Is More Effective

1. It builds skills, not fear.
   Punishment might suppress a behavior temporarily, but reinforcement helps your child learn what to do instead. For example, instead of punishing screaming, reinforce calm words or asking for help.
   
   

2. It strengthens your relationship.
   Children respond better when they feel understood, supported, and successful. Reinforcement builds trust and encourages cooperation, not resistance.
   
   

3. It creates lasting change.
   Behaviors that are reinforced are more likely to stick because they lead to positive outcomes. Punishment might stop a behavior in the short term, but it doesn’t provide a clear path to more appropriate behavior.
   
   

4. It reduces the need for discipline over time.
   The more your child learns how to get their needs met appropriately, the less often you’ll need to step in with consequences.

A Real-Life Example

Let’s say your child throws their backpack on the floor every day after school.
You could scold them (punishment), or you could try this instead:

Catch them doing it right. The next time they hang up their backpack—even if you had to prompt them—say, “I appreciate how you remembered to hang that up! Great job keeping things neat!”

Chances are, with repetition and consistency, they’ll want that praise again—and you’ll see the behavior improve.

Final Thoughts

Punishment might feel effective in the moment, but reinforcement creates meaningful, positive, and lasting behavior change. It empowers children to learn and grow—and helps parents feel more successful and less stressed.

So the next time you’re stuck, ask yourself:
“What behavior do I want to see more of?”
Then reinforce the heck out of it.

If you’re ready to learn how to use reinforcement the right way and transform your home life with simple, evidence-based tools, sign up for parent training at BehaviorCoach.LLC. We’ll guide you step by step to build positive behavior and lasting change—for your child and your whole family.